Self-help for Real Event OCD: Read a sample
Fear and Love
Fear and Love are the opposing poles on which this book - and perhaps our choices in life – are built.
OCD is categorised as a panic disorder. In other words, it is rooted in excessive Fear. Fear, of course, has an evolutionary purpose. It helps us to evaluate risks, learn from mistakes, avoid pain, run away from threats. Without Fear, our species would not have survived this long.
However, Fear becomes maladaptive when it disrupts our daily functioning.
And it’s no surprise that many people’s lives are governed by Fear and safety-seeking. Look at the cultures and systems in which we live. Advertisements tell us that we will be unpopular or miss out if we don’t buy a product. Social media reinforce unhelpful ideas about happiness being rooted in social status, wealth and how we look. Media companies sensationalise stories to pull in viewers. Major elections are won based on xenophobia and tweaking insecurities. In families, schools, and workplaces we are often taught to be ‘strong’ and suppress difficult feelings. In short, we are surrounded by warnings that we are not good enough, we cannot trust our feelings and intuition, and the world around us is not safe.
As a defence mechanism, we develop egos which try to protect us from rejection or humiliation. We prioritise wealth, aesthetics, status and belonging – often at the cost of seeing our commonality with others. We judge other people to protect our own ego and status, denying our own capacity for mistakes or imperfection.
For most of my life I had no spiritual beliefs or connection at all. In my recovery, I have come to believe that there are forces beyond our minds and bodies which compel us all towards Love, growth and self-actualising – no matter how much Fear has enveloped us in the past. The driving force of Love manifests, and is known, in so many ways. In Abrahamic religions, it might the loving god who cares for and guides you. In Brahman religions, it might be the universal divine energy which we all embody, with infinite potential for enlightenment. In psychotherapy, it might be the ever-present drive to resolve inner conflict and self-actualise. It might simply be the sense of self-preservation which has kept you going through terrible times and led you to seeking out resources for OCD recovery. It’s in the little moments of joy or calm which are trying to shine through your anxiety. I am going to capture all these concepts in one word: Love.
Love may have become almost totally obscured in your life - but it is abundant, available and always attainable.
I sometimes imagine my process of OCD recovery as a change as a change of computer operating systems. I’m gradually un-installing the old Fear system, which has become very damaging, and replacing it with Love. It’s a complex process, which will take time - and there will be glitches along the way. But it will set me up to operate and manage life more efficiently in future.
As you read this book, Fear may try to intrude on you the form of “But what if?”, “I’m bad”, “I don’t deserve”, “I can’t”. Where these worries arise, I’ve framed them with the symbol below to remind when Fear is trying to take over. I will meet them, and you, with Love.
Let’s take the journey from head to heart. From Fear to Love.